CHRISTMAS CANCELLED I TOLD SANTA I HAD BEEN A GOOD GIRL AND HE DIED LAUGHING !!!!
Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year
to all my lovely clients old and new in the words of Michael Jackson I love you all. xxxx
A Christmas Story
‘Twas the night before Christmas–Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I’ve busted my a** for damn near a year,
Instead of “Thanks Santa”–what do I hear?
The old lady b**ches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money–The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those ***holes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes–if that ain’t damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days–they all are the pits
They want the impossible–Those mean little s**ts
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo’s–No request for them,
They want computers and robots…they think – I’m IBM!
Flying through the air…dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I’m quitting this job there’s just no enjoyment
I’ll sit on my fat a** and draw unemployment.
There’s no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I’m going SOUTH for the season
Dec 182011
Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year to all my lovely clients xxx
Merry Christmas
Oral sex is the term given to genital stimulation by the mouth. It may be penetrative or non-penetrative, and may take place before, during, as, or following intercourse. It may also be performed simultaneously (for example, when one partner performs cunnilingus, while the other partner performs fellatio), or only one partner may perform upon the other; this creates a multitude of variations.
Fellatio is oral sex involving a man’s genitals. Possible positions include:
Cunnilingus is oral sex involving a woman’s genitals
Simultaneous oral sex between two people is called 69.
Some people like to give and some like to receive, but with the 69 position you can have the best of both worlds. This position is designed for mutual, simultaneous oral sex. It may be a little more difficult to concentrate on what you’re doing with your tongue when she’s busy at work between your legs, but the novelty of being pleasured while pleasuring her is one that is worth the effort.
When it comes to 69ing, there are some dos and don’ts.
TAKE A SHOWER
As with all sexual acts, especially those involving oral stimulation, it’s imperative to be clean and well groomed down below. Nobody wants to be greeted by unpleasant odours or a jungle of hair; this is bad 69 etiquette. So if you’re going to try out the 69 position, clean up and keep it trimmed. Better yet,jump in the shower so you can ensure you smell and taste fresh and clean.
INITIATE GRADUALLY
You should make a point of easing her into it, especially if it’s the first time you’ve 69ed with her. Don’t just get into position. She should take the hint from there.
DO NOT FORGET HER
When you’re trying out the 69 position, it’s important to not let the good feelings you are getting distract you from the ones you’re supposed to be giving. This is a mutual oral sex arrangement so it’s not fair if one of you starts concentrating too hard on receiving and neglects to perform as well. If this is a problem for you and you find your mouth constantly becoming lazy while hers is busy, you might be better off performing oral sex on each other separately, so your partner can have your full and undivided attention. This is common sense 69 etiquette.
STAY AWAY FROM HER BUM
This position may give you easy access to all her private parts, but it’s part of 69 etiquette to make sure she’s comfortable with it before you explore beyond her vagina. Some people find anal stimulation very pleasurable, but others find it horribly disgusting, so getting an idea of where she stands on the issue before you go anywhere near her bum is a good approach. If you don’t establish this beforehand, you may experience a very abrupt ending to your 69 session.
By following 69 etiquette, you can have a mutually satisfying oral sex experience and be a considerate gentleman at the same time, which greatly increases your chances of 69ing a second time. It is a truly unique sensation to be giving and receiving oral pleasure at the same time, and one that no one should miss out on.
Ask men.com
Dec 122011
Hi everyone
Returning to work on 11th of September in London. Have been out of action training to teach gym and fitness plus dance to music glad to say passed all. Will be adding Newcastle to my trips but out calls only at the moment. Hope the recession has not hit you all too hard. So if you are looking for some good old fashioned fun no fetish just fun of the slap and tickle kind please contact me.
Love Mandy the ultimate mature escort xx
Pornography is a graphic display of human sexuality that can be traced as far back as any other sign of human intelligence. Throughout the ages pornography has
evolved and developed, but it was not until the technological and ideological progress of the 20th century that pornography was able to find its way in literally every aspect of modern society. At this time society has not yet formed a uniformly accepted opinion about the effects of pornography. Some activists suggest that pornography provides people a healthy way to explore their sexuality. Others argue that pornography is the root of all evil, and must be eliminated completely. Neither side is able to supply a solid proof of their position. Growing rates of failed marriages and increase in sex related crimes, however, suggest that, even though a moderate exposure to pornography is probably harmless, and excessive exposure can have a devastating effect on involved individuals.
The first sexual drawing was made by the cave man, and dates back almost a thousand years prior to the discovery of the first written document. Since then, human sexuality has played a major role in majority of the developing societies. Even though pornography existed, it was mainly used as instructional materials, and not as a primary source of sexual attention. With the development of Judeo-Christian system of morals and the restriction of human sexuality, prostitution began to serve as a source of satisfaction for the human sexual desires.
Mature Mandy its my birthday today I Do not dwell in the past do not dream of the future concentrate the mind on the present moment. My birthday dress
What You Need To Know MEN and WOMEN
Putting in the extra effort is key to satisfying him or her in bed.To spice things up, try changing up the location or indulging one of her fantasies. Predictability and routine will kill romance and your sex life. No man or women wants “boring lover” on his dating CV. a list of the seven things women find boring in bed. Read on and learn what not to do
1- Asking For Permission
If you’ve been with a woman for long enough to know her body language and emotions, nothing quite ruins the mood like a formal request to proceed.
2- Predictability
If you’ve been together for a while, this can definitely be a problem. Part of the reason why things were so hot between you and her when you first got together was because you didn’t know what to expect. If you want to maintain a similar level of excitement months or even years down the road, you have to keep it fresh.
3- Mechanical Sex
Most women will agree that sex without passion is quite dull; no woman wants to be treated like a blow-up doll.
4- Not Going The Extra Mile
Although many women — as well as men — feel that they must be content with whatever sexual act they engage in with their partners, the truth is that they will eventually tire of a bare-bones routine. So, if you want to prevent her from tiring of you, you must put in a little extra effort every once in a while.
5- Same Location
If your woman has memorised the cracks in your bedroom ceiling, you’re in trouble. But don’t worry, a simple change of location can fix this situation. Take it to the shower, the kitchen table, your car, a secluded beach, the woods — the possibilities are endless. Use your imagination and try not to get caught.
6- Too Vocal Or Not Vocal Enough
Excessive grunting or repeating certain words can be just as tiresome as making no noise at all. So, try to find a comfortable medium that lets her know you’re enjoying yourself without letting the whole neighbourhood know as well. The right choice of words can also be a turn-on for many women.
7- Never ExperimentingIf
you’ve been with a woman for a while, and want to keep each other turned on, you had better try some new positions, spill your fantasies, engage in role playing, and anything else that will serve to spice things up, or you risk breaking up out of sheer bedroom boredom. Pour yourselves a glass of wine or two, talk about what turns you on, and you may just end up fulfilling these fantasies sooner than you think.
Just make sure that you’re with a WOMAN who will want nothing more than to PLEASE YOU in return.
Sex Games and toys for the adventurous Mature Escort/Love goddess
When you are in a playful mood or sense the need for a bit of variety there is nothing like a god old erotic game or sex toy. The Japanese have been playing with sex toys for century. A geisha girls main purpose in life was to pleasure a man in the most elegant and ingenious way possible, her sexual bag of tricks was full of fascinating props and titillating games. Many of the gadgets you will find in your local sex shop. The Asians have their fair share of the erotic just think Karma Sutra!!!!
Have a good look around the store choose what is right for you do not be afraid to ask the sales person they have heard it all before at least twice you are just a customer to them. Take your chosen items home and think how many ways you can use these fascinating items on your special one.
Dream up some exciting games for two perhaps role play these games do not always require props at all only your wonderful imagination, try everything and anything you want men
love adventure.
Use your vibrator on him (or her) massage him and stimulate him gently this will give him a marvellous tingle to the penis and testicles, experiment with various attachments see which works best on his nipples, penis, scrotum, anus, and the the sensitive spot between. Do not press too hard, and make very sensuous smooth movements caress all his favourite hot spots
How about some ticklers little sleeves that fit over the end of the penis they are covered in bumps prigs ridges and other goodies designed to stimulate your vagina buy a few and invite a man to tickle you.
Another little item is a cock ring very popular it is a small rubber or metal doughnut type shape that fits snug around the base of his penis. some are meant to fit around his testicles too. Others are strips of leather with snaps at the end. A cock ring helps keep him really hard and feeling pleasantly swollen and huge. He will feel he is playing in an orchestra instead of his everyday instrument.
It is unfortunate but true that the days of completely carefree sex have come to an end. We do have cures for certain diseases but there is still nothing to cure Aids and Genital herpes so in todays world be responsible for protecting yourself and any sexual partners you deal with. Always use a condom Be Smart Be firm Be sure and Be safe.